A Year of Wonder 2010

A year of wonder

Through all 4 seasons we have been growing now

Summer fling turned into quite a thing

This undulating thing never clear for more than a day or two.

Through all 4 seasons smiles and words shared

Tears shed lessons learned

but seldom completely understood.

Renewal awakened

The connection strong in spite of ourselves.

The missing pieces making acceptance harder.

Always tests and hurdles in the foundation of us

Honesty has been challenged.

Acceptance has been challenged.

Love awaits, hopefully unchallenged and unscathed to remain

Freely given.

With a heavy heart and I cloudy head

I sit here wondering.

Is the reason this feels like home

because maybe it is just like home?

The place I always felt alone

The place I always worked so hard to be loved.

Red Wine and Dark Chocolate

Red wine and dark chocolate.

Timeless notions of romance,

love eternal...dripping

from the sides of a vanilla candle.

Slowly burning like the flame of true love.

One slow burn after the next,

all my dreams go up in smoke, swirling...

like the ice in the bottom of the glass,

so long ago broken at your feet.

In the times of passion playing with the fire,

the times of reckless abandon

racing under the stars holding your chest

wind taking my breath away, whipping through my hair.

Roses, crab apple blossoms and countless geese.

Swans watched with magic in their eyes...the story unfolded

the miles walked among them, smelling the nectar,

your scent lingering on my mind through time.

Ageless, timeless like red wine and chocolate...

Delicious as a memory lingers.....

without fear, there is no pain.

~Sagemyst~

The Lesson

I see now that my love was the magic.

It was the magic in our relationship all along.

You only reacted to my love…

Not really feeling it.

How could you, having no love of your own to give.

I am the source of my love.

You have left the source,

Which in turn leaves me no poorer.

I see how love and magic heal.

I see how love can bring and be change,

bare all things.

How love can forgive even the deepest of hurts.

I AM and hold the space to love.

I cherish the magic.

Cherish love… keep it warm and alive.

Only now, not for you….

For me.

Maybe one day too

for someone I want to share with.

Someone with love of his own to add to the magic

that will become us.

May 26, 2011

Self Portrait

The distance between us grows.

Cold inside,

like the waning winter sun

on the precipice of a new tomorrow.

Transitions - apparent and unavoidable.

My thoughts fall silently now, like snowflakes.

Wondering,

walking alone already-

though the time has not yet come.

Through the looking glass all becomes clear!

Seeing,

I am no longer who I was.

My true reflection

I have pondered for all these months... in your eyes.

I don’t like it,

the discomfort of becoming me.

Changes of course bring change, even to the depths of us.

Growing into my new self, more in tune with what I need.

While you push me away,

I am no longer in tune with making you happy.

My heart realizes, in the snowy silence , that this is not going to last.

Without my insistence, consistency is not attainable here.

No answers, just a beautiful mosaic.

I pick up the pieces of my life and arrange them-

creating my most precious masterpiece.

Essence

It's a new day.
Bright sun glistens on snow,
warming me through the window.
I am by myself
One, Me, silent.
Strong, growing,
ALIVE.
Nature is within me
I am nature.
Connected in this way,
Connected to Spirit
I will never be alone.

~Sagemyst~

Suspended Intentions

My world is moving like clockwork
To the ticking of the old pendulum near the hearth.
Piece by piece tasks get done, it comes together.

Chapter by chapter I immerse myself in a book.
Trying hard to overlook the hollow feeling
Echoing deep in my gut. Something missing.

Knowing that it is for the best. This time away from you.
Seeing the contrast of what we were just days ago… in pictures
To what we are possibly becoming.

Intermingled with the sadness in my heart
Is a gold thread of hope.
This time please let it be different!
The cravings fed for the last time.

Busy mind, busy heart all processing.
As I walk along the very path that I think I am searching for.
Wondering always what to be…. When of course
I AM what I am being.

How long will I wait here among the din of my life?
Restless to hear your voice and hold you.
Trying to stay on the same page,
Holding to faith.

Feeling the breath move in and out of me.
Tears held back for lack of a reason to cry.
Suspended in time, hanging by the last ray of sunlight.

Tomorrow is another day to journey home.

~Sagemyst~

Self Awareness

Consciousness begs the question:

What am I here to do?

Why am I aware of what I am and am not?

Life answers with the gift of creation

Consciousness is love alive

Awareness creating itself

to stand apart from the void

Balancing aspects of all just to be

OM

Males creating and sowing seeds

Females bearing and nurturing fruit

All life striving to be more

Alive

Creative

Present

Expansive

Aware eternally

Of all that is - NOW